Submitted anonymously
How often have you found yourself knowing what you should do but not wanting to do it? I’m not talking about the laundry or the dishes here. I’m sure we can all think of times we’ve sat on the couch avoiding a chore or two. No, I’m talking bigger, life-changing bigger. All too often, as Christians, we tend to frame our lives in terms of avoiding sin. I mean, isn’t that what God wants us to do? Doesn’t he say we should “sin no more”? Avoiding sin isn’t all that God calls us to; He also calls us to godliness and obedience. Sometimes, putting on godly characteristics and living in obedience is difficult.
It’s hard to believe that it has now been 10 years since I found myself sitting at a crossroads of life, facing a difficult obedience. Please know that this is not the only time in my life I have struggled with obedience; this just happens to be one of the most challenging instances.
We must first define sin to understand how avoiding sin is only partial obedience to God. Most of us can recognize that sin is anything we do that is against God and His Word. You might be thinking of the Ten Commandments right now as things we should not do. But if you are a reader of God’s Word, you know there are many other things we should avoid that would grieve God. However, it is essential to note that it isn’t always about avoiding wrongdoings; we can also be sinning when there is something we should be doing, and we are not. James 4:17 (NKJV) says, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.”
As I reflect back to 10 years ago, I had been commuting to a job that took about two and a half hours of my day in drive time, and since I was in a director role, it was hard to leave the job behind and out of my mind once I pulled into the driveway. I truly enjoyed my job, and I worked with wonderful people. That made it hard to leave when we found ourselves having to move, so I continued with the commute for 9 years. In 2014, I found myself with kids who were both involved in many school activities. I was racing after work to attend sporting events, band shows, etc. Sometimes I didn’t make it at all. Talk about mom guilt building up, not to mention that many of our meals seemed to be passed through a window at the drive-thru more than I cared to admit. I was at a point when I knew that something had to change. I knew that God did not want me to neglect my family so much.
I saw a job posting I knew I would be well-qualified for, and with much uncertainty, I decided to apply. Nearly a month passed, and I heard nothing, so I thought, I am off the hook! But then the call came; they wanted to schedule me for an interview. Interestingly, the HR representative almost sounded like she wanted to dissuade me from accepting the interview by telling me the pay was quite low compared to my current salary. Nonetheless, I knew I should still move forward with the interview.
And so it began…I went to that interview, then a group interview with about a dozen people questioning me, and finally an interview with the Vice President. In that interview, he asked me, “How much money do you need to come here?” Now, let’s remember, I really was hesitant about leaving my job. I had been praying about it, but I really didn’t want to do it. I gave him a number. I didn’t want to seem greedy, so it was less than my current salary, but I just tossed it out there and left. It wasn’t even an hour later I had a call with an offer for more money than I had told him. I felt like God said, “You need to go.” I didn’t want to! I wanted to stay where I was comfortable, with people I knew and liked.
The reality is that while I was comfortable and had a great salary and benefits, God had been working on me. I was not honoring my family in that role; I was serving myself the most. So, with tears, I gave my CEO my letter of resignation, and in tears, I told my staff (and friends) I would be leaving, and in tears, I walked out to my car on my last day. Did I trust God had a plan for me? Yes. Did I know ultimately that I was doing what God wanted me to do? Absolutely. Was it easy? No!
My journey at the new job began with me realizing in the first week that I wouldn’t like this job or the environment. Now, that might seem presumptuous on my part, and I would always tell others there is a learning curve and adaptation in any new job, but somehow, I knew this wasn’t going to be the place for me. And on a positive note, I was at least getting home by 4:30 pm every day and hardly spending any money on gas! The days turned into weeks, and the weeks became months. I was living in dread. I had never felt so depressed about a job in my entire life.
During this time, I found myself leaning more on God and His Word. I knew He called me here for a reason. My husband kept encouraging me to consider going back to my former employer. He could see how miserable I was. And then, a former boss called about 3 months after I had left. He told me that they had not been able to replace me, and if I wanted to come back, they would reinstate my salary, PTO, and sick time as though I had never left. When they say, “Temptation looked me in the eye,” I could completely relate to that statement at that moment. I told my husband, and he thought I should go back, but I knew God wanted something different from me. I had noticed over the few months that while I was miserable at work, I could be home to cook more meals, get to my kids’ activities, and be more present with my family. This is what God was calling me to do.
But shouldn’t I have felt happy? Shouldn’t I have been gleefully living in obedience? To tell the truth, I would cry many mornings driving to work, but the thing that kept me going was that I was living in faith. I knew that I was right where God wanted me to be at that moment. I was in His Word, trusting Him for each day. I listened to podcasts in the morning before work, which was also helpful and encouraging. One morning, I was listening to a pastor’s sermon, and he was talking about living in obedience to God and how sometimes we walk through difficult obedience. Yes! I wanted to shout in agreement at my radio, not that he would hear me.
Being obedient requires us to demonstrate faith in God and His Word. Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV) states, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The rest of chapter 11 is focused on examples of faith demonstrated by Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, and Sarah, as well as Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, and even Rahab! If all these could do hard things and trust God, so could I. I don’t mean to say that I did this in my own strength. I had to learn to lean on the Lord for each day.
As I learned to trust the Lord in this difficult obedience, I could keep going to that job every day because I knew God was in control of my life. I even wrote a quote from that pastor in the margin of my Bible. “Faith is believing in God’s Word and acting on it, no matter how I feel, because He promises a good result.” Did you see what I wrote there, “no matter how I feel.” You see, I wasn’t feeling happy. I wasn’t feeling excited to go to work. But I was standing on God’s promises, so what did that get me? I had peace and joy in knowing that I was where God wanted me to be at that moment. I want to be clear: God does promise us a good result. The truth is that the result may not be this side of heaven. That is where faith comes in. That is where trust comes in.
I would be remiss if I didn’t share the rest of this story. Amidst all this, I had an opportunity to apply for another position closer to home and do something I had always dreamed of doing. I am happy to say that while it was a long process, I was eventually offered that position, and it has been a most fulfilling job (and close to home!). Looking back, I can see how God placed me on this journey to take me to this new place. Admittedly (and with embarrassment), I would never have initially accepted this current job from where I was back in early 2014. It was another pay cut. Looking back, I know I would never have considered such a significant drop in salary at that time.
I would like to think that my faith at that time would have enabled me to trust and take a bigger leap, that I would have chosen obedience, but God knew. He knew He needed to bring me under Him and through a difficult obedience to get me to that point. Another verse I found helpful in my journey was Job 23:10 (NKJV), which states, “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.”
When I think back to 2014, it was indeed a time of growth in my relationship with the Lord. It was not easy. It was painful. It was hard. I am thankful for the faithful prayer warriors who encouraged me, but mostly, I am thankful for a God who is faithful to me, even when I struggle to be faithful. He held me up on this journey. He sustained me. If you are walking through a difficult time, whether it be an issue of avoiding sin, or seeking to be obedient, or any other hard challenge, know that we have a God who cares. You can trust Him!
Psalm 55:22 (NKJV): Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.